Chocoholics rejoice! This holiday season we were invited back into the fantastical world of Wonka, learning about life before Charlie and his gang entered his factory. The new movie treats us all to plenty of new characters, who are as disgusting, corrupt, and down-right mean as you might expect had Roald Dahl been their creator. But what if these soon-to-be iconic characters ventured into the real world?
Join us on an intriguing journey as we delve into the potential real-world jobs and salaries of Wonka and his eclectic ensemble, from the devious Slugworth to the wise Noodle, exploring what their careers might entail outside the realm of pure imagination.
Image credits: Wonka Movie
Willy Wonka
Played by: Timothée Chalamet
Real-world job: Children’s entertainer
Real-world salary: $63,688
Wonka is a beloved character that was created by Roald Dahl in 1964. This new imagining explores Wonka’s life before he became the chocolatier we’ve grown up loving. We learn more about Wonka’s humble beginnings and how his creativity rubs a lot of people up the wrong way.
During the movie, he encounters several foes who make candy and chocolate purely for monetary gain. Wonka realizes more and more that it’s his love of the craft of chocolate making and entertaining people that motivates him, although, of course, we all know he ends up very rich indeed.
We think Wonka could make an incredible children’s entertainer, especially as we now know that Timothée Chalamet, who stars as Wonka has such a wonderful singing voice.
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Noodle
Played by: Calah Lane
Real-world job: Sous chef
Real-world salary: $53,141
Wise orphan Noodle becomes fast friends with Wonka. She’s a real grown-up compared to Wonka, advising him against signing some dodgy contracts and helping him out of danger on multiple occasions.
As a pinky promise was made early on for Noodle to become Wonka’s sous chef, we think it’s a no-brainer that she’d be a fantastic assistant chef.
Lofty the Oompa Loompa
Played by: Hugh Grant
Real-world job: Private investigator
Real-world salary: $76,178
Wonka reveals that Oompa Loompas haven’t always been allies of Willy Wonka. Wonka took some of the Oompa Loompas’ cocoa beans and Lofty is seeking retribution.
Lofty can keep things on the down low, and spies on Wonka for much of the early parts of the film. Lofty has the skills to be a spy or investigator, although he may need to disguise his brightly colored skin and hair!
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Chief of Police
Played by: Keegan-Michael Key
Real-world job: Police
Real-world salary: $71,380
Used to a sleepy beat, the Chief of Police’s world turns upside down when Wonka starts handing out Hoverchocs and people start defying the laws of gravity.
It goes without saying that in the real world, he’d most probably be working in law enforcement. However, as someone who is seen accepting delectable bribes from the chocolate cartel, he’d need to clean up his act first!
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Mrs Scrubitt
Played by: Olivia Colman
Real-world job: Cleaner
Real-world salary: $62,142
Nasty Mrs Scrubitt runs a boarding house and launderette, relying on the labor of captives from the chocolate cartel and orphans. She’s a real villain!
If she cleaned up her act, and her appearance, she could use her knowledge of laundry to work as a professional cleaner.
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Bleacher
Played by: Tom Davis
Real-world job: Security
Real-world salary: $68,406
The other half of the movie’s most villainous couple, Bleacher is the muscle behind Mrs. Scrubitt’s heinous schemes.
As a henchman in the movies, and due to Tom Davis’ legendary larger frame, he could be a shoo-in for a role in security.
Father Julius
Played by: Rowan Atkinson
Real-world job: HR
Real-world salary: $73,080
Father Julius is a corrupt chocolate-addicted priest in league with the chocolate cartel. He’s yet another character who’s against Wonka and his world of pure imagination.
As a manager of a group of monks, it’s clear that Julius could excel in managing groups of people, without being so corrupt. As an HR professional, he would be responsible not just for the day-to-day management of a team but also their wellbeing.
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Arthur Slugworth
Played by: Paterson Joseph
Real-world job: Business director
Real-world salary: $96,546
If Slugworth seems familiar that’s because this villain features in the original book and the 1971 and 2005 films as Wonka’s most vicious and untrustworthy rival, determined to steal Wonka’s magical secrets.
As a shrewd businessman with a villainous side, Slugworth cares about profit margins, revenue, and beating Wonka. If he spent more time on his business rather than his rival, he could land a successful career in business.
Abacus Crunch
Played by: Jim Carter
Real-world job: Accountant
Real-world salary: $80,202
With a name like Abacus Crunch, it’s hardly surprising that he’s a numbers man. Previously employed by Slugworth, Crunch finds himself toiling in the basement laundry facility with Wonka and Noodle.
As an ex-accountant, he helps Wonka with business advice and warns Wonka of the powerful chocolate cartel. He’s a clever guy, who’d make a fantastic accountant in the real world too!
Prodnose and Fickelgruber
Played by: Mathew Baynton and Matt Lucas
Real-world job: Food manufacturing
Real-world salary: $69,912
Fellow members of Slugworth’s chocolate cartel, Prodnose and Fickelgruber are just as nasty. They’re determined to make money from chocolate, but only really care about the traditional craft rather than Wonka’s world of fun.
Unsurprisingly, there aren’t a lot of artisanal chocolatier roles in the real world, which we think is a real shame, so Prodnose and Fickelgruber would more likely find themselves in food manufacturing.
Beyond the chocolate-filled fantasies, the characters of Wonka’s world may well thrive in roles such as entertainers, chefs, investigators, and even police officers. It’s clear though, that many of these characters are doomed to continue a life of crime!
Read more: 10 remote and beautiful jobs for those who want to get lost